Ruzbeh N. Bharucha
Since a while I have been asked regularly regarding how does one deal with abuse as well as mental and physical challenges against the back drop of karma and Free Will.
Once again, based on my limited knowledge, most of the theories going about, blaming those suffering as undergoing some karmic repayment for actions committed in some life time, is sheer nonsense.
Many are under the false notion that those carrying the weight of abuse or are mentally-physical challenged are ‘in some way paying for the misdeeds of past lives’. This is nonsense. Such thinking is mental excrement of petty people who either advocate spirituality through fear or superstition.
This is like propagating that the rays of the Sun blaze during summer because the Sun wants to give us grief for those months of the year.
Am sure, using this logic and knowing mankind, many seeing Jesus the Lord Christ undergo inhuman torture and being crucified, must have told each and other ‘ this is the repayment of sins of His past lifetimes’, but we know better don’t we. He took on the suffering of mankind. It was a conscious decision.He suffered so that others could be freed to embrace The Light.
And I feel this is exactly why some go through such a hard time in their physical body. It’s their thirst to free themselves and their loved ones from chains of darkness and karma and move closer to The Light.
Even if I am wrong, I refuse to believe all those going through abuse or are mentally-physically challenged are some hard core sinners in their past lives. I never cared for a God who snorted fire and inflicted pain just to get even.
Why is it that most folks treat God as some tyrannical school principal, lusting for retribution than a wise school teacher whose only intent is educating the child to gain knowledge and work towards dispelling darkness within? Why do we refer to an individual as a God-fearing person rather than a God-loving person? The concept of hell, is a sadomasochistic prison, rather than a place where one’s realization of one’s own mistakes, makes each moment, even in the most sublime locale in the spirit dimension unbearable due to the realization of one’s errors?
The answer is simple. Nothing works like fear! And this fear has been passed down generations as it is not at all time consuming and necessities the least wisdom and effort to get the point.
Many people who have come for channelling and even via this medium offered by Speaking Tree, have suggested indirectly or otherwise that just because I haven’t gone through abuse or don’t have a loved one suffering from mental and physical challenges, I can afford to talk about Free Will and Karma and philosophise.
The fact is we all have our own Crosses to carry. We all have our own demons to deal with. We all have our own individual realities and glimpses of heaven and hell. And most importantly ingrained within each of us is that reservoir of kinship, oneness and compassion.
A number of people, men and women, have been physically violated and emotionally crushed. Most of them by their loved ones and very often at an early age and the worst part, if the abuse has been physical, they haven’t confided to either family or friends, for the fear of being judged, blamed or worse not believed and called liars.
Very often the child doesn’t even realize he or she has or is being continuously abused till it’s a bit late. Whatever the reason, the individual carries the burden of guilt, shame, fear and most often, through life faces physical and emotional abuse.
It’s a lonely journey. You can’t talk about it to anybody. You live with it each day and are reminded of it through newspapers, media channels, books and movies with religious regularity.
It’s easy to say move on but the question is though you may have become an adult, the child within, never forgets the abuse and is still whimpering with fear in that dark corner of your sub consciousness.
And the worst part of it all is that very often it becomes a pattern. If you allow somebody to abuse you once, that abuse rarely stops and then more abuse takes place. It may not take place physically but then emotionally it may continue as very often self-loathing sets in and with it an inferiority complex.
Their lives are shaped by the manipulation they have undergone and either the person withdraws within or gets harsh and untrusting or goes to the other side of the barometer and tries to please all, always coming through a sense of not being worthy.
Either they allow their partners to physically violate them, not just sexually but even through violence or they become so closed, that the relationship suffers due to the lack of physical intimacy.
In India very often those who are mentally or physical challenged are made to feel as though they have sinned so much in their past life times that they are going through some karmic punishment. Thus the individual once again is made to feel it is his or her fault and thus enters guilt, shame and an inferiority complex. I have heard parents tell me ‘what to do our child is paying for past life misdeeds’.
This is bullshit.
And the worst part of it all, to be always dependent on somebody else, always to be dependent, very often for the most basic day to day things, kills you slowly, taking away all self-respect.
How does one deal with either abuse or challenges? I am writing what I have seen and experienced. What I may conclude may not be the best way of dealing with the situation and certainly not the only way. But it is an approach that I have seen yield positive and heart-warming results. I have been a witness to change and growth. I have seen the smile reach the eyes.
Another thing, even if I sound like a stuck gramophone, The Masters have always had a soft corner for those who were abused or mentally and physically challenged. They have a very soft corner for those suffering from leprosy, which to most people is considered to be the classic case of paying off for heinous sins committed in the past lifetimes.
So why did the Masters love those who suffered so? If they were paying off for their so called heinous sins, shouldn’t the Masters have treated them with silent disdain? They can see all and They know it all, the past, present and the future then why did They love so called ‘heavy duty sinners of past lifetimes’? That itself should tell us that this whole concept of past life sinners is something one needs to rethink.
So let us assume somebody has been abused (physically- emotionally-mentally) or is physically challenged. Or you are taking care of somebody mentally or physically challenged or tendering to a loved one gone through abuse.
I once again come back to this simple question, ‘do you believe you are the body or you are the spirit in the body’? I know this may sound simplistic but trust me, I have seen miracles take place, when the individual realizes that he or she is not just the body but in reality the essence, the Spirit, in the body.
When you realize and accept that you are not the body but you are the Spirit within the body, you begin to understand that you could never have been abused or you aren’t challenged or in any way inferior or less than anybody else. You are the essence within the body, and thus you can’t be violated and you can’t be handicapped in any way. Yes, the body has been abused or is challenged, but not You.
The more you focus on the real You and more on the Spirit which is You, the less hold the body and all things associated with the body has on you.
The real ‘I’ cannot be tarnished as it comes forth from The Creator and thus in its true essence has all that which The Creator possesses.
When you believe that you are the spirit within the body there comes the realization that you are purity personified and Wholeness is your very essence.
Yes the challenges facing the body will remain but the attitude to deal with them changes.
Nothing will have changed but everything will look and feel different.
Also on a practical level, in any situation, we have three options.
The best option is to give your best to life and leave the rest to the Master. ‘So be it, May Thy Will be done, but give me the wisdom and strength to go through it with calmness and positive acceptance’.
Let us take a marriage going wrong. The first option would be to give your best to the marriage and give it all you can and if still not working, you move out of it.
But very often this isn’t practical. Either circumstances or one’s own fears, prevents one from moving away and starting afresh. Most can’t move out of the marriage. Either one has no place to go or there are kids or just complete financial dependence on the spouse or society pressures or parental black mail. Whatever the reason, often one can’t get what one wants. Even if one wants something that is completely justifiable.
So now we have two options. If you have given it your best and still you can’t resolve the situation then the only sane and practical approach is to make peace with the situation. In the parameter that you can move about, find your peace and your centeredness. You keep giving your best but no longer expect things to change for the better and have with calm acknowledgement accepted your lot.
The worst option is that you remain in the situation, because you have no other choice, but you simmer. You don’t make your peace but keep dying each moment and keep wallowing or keep slandering or keep hoping you could be out, in short, you add to your state of hell.
In the same way, whether one has been abused or is challenged in some way, and you have an understanding of your limitations, or you are taking care of a mentally or physically challenged individual, one needs to first give one’s best and after that make peace with what cannot be changed.
There really is no other way. If there is no other way out, giving life your best, you accept the situation. Call it whatever you want….karmic, injustice, there’s no God, all spirituality is bullshit, you don’t know how it feels, stop talking from your hat….the fact remains, the situation is not going to change. The reality of one’s abuse or physical limitations is not going to alter.
There’s only one thing you can do, focus on who you truly are, give your life your best, the way you can, and then make peace within, knowing you have done all, and can do no more, and leave it to the wisdom of The Master or The Cosmos.
To carry the cross of anger or why me or the victim syndrome or hate or depression or helplessness, you aren’t helping the cause but adding more weight to already heavy load that you have no choice but to carry.
I am sorry on behalf of all of creation for what you are going through but the fact is please don’t make it more difficult on yourself. Whether you hate what I am saying or agree, the fact remains, heaven and hell, is first and foremost a state of mind and then all else.
People have their children taken away from them. Kids die. Bankruptcy takes place. Fame goes. Friends disappear. Yes, for many life is a four letter word. You have two options. Get filled with anger and hate and disgust or accept your lot with grace and positive surrender and get on with life.
The cross of anger and hate and disgust and helplessness is a bloody heavy burden. You are already down. Don’t dig deeper. The earth has no end. You dig and dig and dig and there will be more to dig further.
I have seen serious positive change amongst those who have accepted the fact that they aren’t the body but the sprit or energy in the body. I have seen miracles take place when the individual has realized that after a point the situation is not going to change for the better, and they keep giving their best but make peace with the other imbalanced side of their lives.
Yes, eventually what really makes the difference is the faith that your Master knows what is best for you and you shall do all you can to make Him or Her happy and proud of you by living your life with grace, dignity and positive acceptance and surrender.
The power to forgive (which is the power ofcompassion as the word forgiving too comes with a sense of ego and duality) can change destinies, cleanse karmic imbalances and make God sigh with pride. Never underestimate the power of compassion, towards yourself, your situation, those who have hurt you, your destiny and towards all of creation.
There are many who have been dealt with better cards than you but trust me there are many more who have been dealt with a deck of cards that make the Angels ache with compassion.
Outwardly nothing might change but everything within will transform. It all depends on how you accept and then handle the situation.
I remember many years ago I was used as a medium for healing and certain people weren’t showing any improvement while most, even suffering from more serious issues were recovering.
In my prayers I inquired as to why this was taking place. I mean either all should benefit or none should. Grave medical issues were being resolved and certain issues, far less grim, showed no signs of improvement.
I was told in my prayers ‘each individual has to undergo certain experiences and nobody can change those circumstances…instead of asking for the conditions to change, pray that if for whatever reason healing cannot take place, at least make the child stronger and wiser to accept his or her lot calmly and with positive acceptance’.
I did the prayer before each session and after a few days a number of those who were regulars for healing began to appear calmer and behave more positive.
An old man who always looked at me as a misfit in the world of medium-ship and healing, after the session, stood up, gave me a smile (which in all honesty was truly frightening) and said, ‘son, nothing has changed, the pain is still there, but you know what, I am for some nonsensical reason feeling so much better. Go figure’.
Yup, go figure.
Ruzbeh N. Bharucha